It's Over!
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It's over -- and I know that thousands of children in this country
have breathed a sign of relief -- Christmas is over! For children growing
up with alcoholic or drug dependent parents, holidays are not the
exciting time that fairy tales and television make them out to be. Even
though each year there is hope that it will be different this time, down in
the deepest part of their being, they know they will be cheated out
of something -- something good -- something that other children
will have. The daily drunken stupor, the yelling and fighting, is
somehow supposed to be different at Christmas. But it isn't -- it's worse.
Today, even as an adult and having had the luxury of therapeutic
help, sadness surfaces when I think of those childhood Christmases -- my
father drunk at our Christmas Eve dinner, the fear-filled dead silence of we
three children and the embarrassment I felt because of the stench of stale
alcohol on his breath at midnight Mass. And through all of those times, I
pretended and acted as if nothing was wrong. All the time I wished that
someone would see the pain behind the facade and would care -- would soothe -- would help.
It didn't happen.
My teachers, priests, youth workers, pediatricians, and other adults in
my life only saw the well-behaved child, the good student, the captain of
the school patrol. They didn't see the hurt, scared, inadequate, and
lonely child inside. They were good and caring people who were not
trained to see the need or how to respond to it adequately.
During my ten years as a classroom teacher, I saw other children
of alcoholics. Not only those who acted out their pain with the
"I-am-OK" facade, but those who were discipline problems and those
who lost themselves in a crowd. It was during those years I realized it
was not enough to just work with these children; it was necessary to
reach other adults working with children. They needed to be made aware
of the suffering of these children and how, within their specific
professional roles, they could help. So for the past 20 years, I have worked
to establish student assistance programs whereby teachers,
counselors, and other school staff can reach out in a supportive network for
these children living in alcoholic or drug dependent families. Student
support groups, now a daily occurrence in schools around this country,
offer the support I so desperately needed as a child.
It is not just educators and schools, however, it is all adults in the
community who can be of tremendous help. During the past six years I have been
a part of a wonderful vehicle to vastly expand these efforts to other groups
of significant adults. I have been a volunteer member of the board
of directors of the National Association for Children of Alcoholics (NACoA).
This national advocacy organization is reaching these significant
adults: pediatricians, educators, social workers, day care providers, clergy,
law enforcement and court officers and parents. NACoA is giving these
adults the detailed core competencies, training and educational print
and media materials so necessary to identify, refer and support these
special children. With the talented expertise of film-maker Gerald T. Rogers, NACoA
has produced two outstanding new videos. One, End Broken Promises, Mend
Broken Hearts, is designed to be used by
adults to establish educational support groups for children. The second,
You Are Not Alone, is for elementary and
middle school students to encourage them to join support groups and to
connect with significant adults who can help them. NACoA also has
educational kits designed for kids, parents and these various professionals.
Every year there should be fewer children breathing that sigh of
relief that a horrendous Christmas is over. But thousands of children
remain looking for that trusting adult who will see that pain behind the facades.
You can help! I urge you to join me and become a member of NACoA,
to financially support this growing and effective organization, and to
spread their valuable educational materials to adults in your community. You
can make a significant difference. The silent cry for help needs to be
heard and acted upon. Children deserve nothing less.
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By James F.
Crowley
